Unions

"We have found one another again as brothers and comrades in arms, enemies no longer, generous friends rather, our battles long past, the quarrel forgotten except that we shall not forget the splendid valor, the manly devotion of the men then arrayed against one another, now grasping hands and smiling into each other's eyes."

President Woodrow Wilson, Gettysburg, PA, July 4, 1913.

There's a stillness in the air this morning. The dogs curl at my feet as I finish my first cup of coffee, scrolling through the first set of pictures on Facebook from last night's pre-Fourth fireworks from friends across the country. My cousin Bert usually posts a quip to wake us from our complicity. This morning's prompt, from the 1913 reunion of Civil War veterans in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, was captured by a stone wall on Cemetery Ridge at the battlefield known as "Pickett's Charge." Here, over 50,000 veterans, Union and Confederate, gathered on opposite sides of that stone wall to shake hands. Some wept, but here, all chose to bury decades of bitter anger in the dirt.

The term "Civil War" is a paradox, as there was nothing peaceful or respectful about neighbors fighting neighbors, cousins fighting cousins, or brothers fighting brothers. The term civil, rooted in the Latin word civis (citizen), generally relates to members of a society, their rights, responsibilities, and interactions with one another and the government. Although we, in large part, tend to blame the institution of slavery as the genesis of the conflict, what was (and still is) broken was our inability to look at ourselves not as isolated heartbeats, but as the intertwined roots of a forest of heartbeats—the inability to form a union.

It is easy to look at the massive political and cultural divides in America today and feel totally overwhelmed. But national division reflects divisions in our daily lives: the family member you stopped speaking to over a political argument, the former friend you ghosted over a misunderstanding, or the coworker you actively avoid because their perspectives on almost everything are so very different from yours.

We build our own stone walls from pride and stubbornness. The casualties? Broken relationships. Toxic workspaces. Communities fractured by distrust and fear.

The veterans in this photo didn't just wake up one day and forget the war. It took work. On this Independence Day, if we want to fix our fractured relationship with one another and this country, it's not just about hot dogs and fireworks. We have to put in the work too. Here are some thoughts:

• Drop the label and see the person. Start treating one another as human beings first.

• Make the first move. Someone has to approach the wall first. Be that person.

• Listen to understand, not to win. Most arguments happen because we are just waiting for our turn to speak.

• Focus on what connects you. Look for the shared ground. You might disagree on ten things, but I'll bet you find eleven more where you connect. We all want the best for our families; this might be a good place to start.

The 1913 reunion wasn't perfect; for one, it left out so many voices. People of color. Women. Diverse nations that had been in this country for centuries. But it did prove that conflict does not last forever. On this 4th of July, let's remember that the United States is an ongoing experiment that requires constant maintenance. This holds in our personal lives as well: unity begins at home. Perhaps today is the day to reach across our stone walls, shake hands, and begin the hard work of building that union.

The "Angle One" depicts one of the most powerful sights witnessed during the reunion of Confederate and Federal veterans in July of 1913. The stone wall marks the battle where Pickett lost over 3,000 from a force of 6,000. Source: https://www.loc.gov/resource/ppmsca.58372/?__cf_chl_f_tk=viMkqAuehDoI.KAt2_NE3R26_Idhw1D.jo4PPnw4txE-1783174411-1.0.1.1-2lsWRhnqhio6L_Nb8UFhK8TRK0i2xHlCWnkDS_w3LHo#